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 Mine (Short Story) by Ace Clark

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Angelique Clark

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Join date : 2012-11-28
Age : 18
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PostSubject: Mine (Short Story) by Ace Clark   Tue Dec 18, 2012 9:10 pm

Mine, short story by Ace Clark
(Tags: Humor) lol!
-------------------
“Megan! Allison! Henry!” I yelled, staring down into the washing machine full of damp jeans.
The girls arrived in colorful dresses, their eight and ten year old selves spinning with excitement. Henry was fourteen, and sulked into the wash room in his usual black, hooded sweater and solemn expression.
“Did either of you remember leaving a ten dollar bill in your jean pocket?” I asked all of them, my hands at hips, and eyes fixed on each child.
Suddenly, Henry’s bored face brightened as he yelped, “Yeah, that’s mine!”
At the same time, Allison peeked into the washing machine and replied, “Oh no, Henry, that money must be mine. I remember putting it there.”
Whereas Megan was much more subtle, “It’s MINE!” Her face was an angry shade of red.
“But most of the jeans in there belong to me.” Henry argued, folding his arms.
“I have more jeans than you. See for yourself.” Megan told him, pointing.
Allison was beside herself, “You two are ridiculous! The ten dollar bill is obviously mine. I specifically remember putting it in my pocket to buy that new Fashions Barbie at Sears.”
Megan was now rolling her eyes, “I’m the one who wanted that Barbie, and had put the bill in my pocket to buy it on Saturday.”
“I know I didn’t want a stinky doll, but I was holding that money for a far better reason.” Henry stepped in, pushing the air around him like it was in his way.
“Oh yeah? What better reason?” Allison spat.
“New ear buds, of course.”
Megan’s hand was now searching inside the washing machine. She pulled out a handful of jeans and said sharply, “Look, half of the whole load is mine!”
Allison grabbed a pair with pink butterflies, telling her sister, “These ones aren’t yours. They’re size eleven.”
Henry slapped a hand over his forehead, and looked at the girls with utter disgust, “The money is mine. End of story.”
Just before a yelling match was started, I stepped forward, “If you children can not settle the matter, then I will give you each three dollars from the ten, and I will keep the rest.”
There was some whining, but they each accepted the money they all knew didn’t belong to them.
Right before the wash room door could be slammed in my face, I called to them, “Will anyone claim this dirty tissue I also found among your jeans?” I held up the white film and Allison, Megan, and Henry all ran screaming, “It’s not mine!”
I thought so.
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Shea Ballard



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PostSubject: Re: Mine (Short Story) by Ace Clark   Tue Dec 18, 2012 10:29 pm

Cute. Sounds just like how kids behave. The only change I would make is to delete the word "had" before "put it in my pocket..." It makes the sentence sound too formal for a kid. Otherwise, it's great.
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Angelique Clark

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PostSubject: Thanks!   Wed Dec 19, 2012 3:14 pm

Thanks for reading, and I will certainly change that line. Smile
-Ace
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PostSubject: Re: Mine (Short Story) by Ace Clark   Sun Dec 23, 2012 3:01 am

Ace: I really like the short! You were able to get a lot in it, like character development and you def have believability established! WTG! I agree with Shea to watch out for sentence strucure in reference to age groups. Other then that, great read! Surprised)
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Angelique Clark

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PostSubject: ...   Sun Dec 23, 2012 3:06 pm

Thanks for reading and giving me your feedback. Glad you liked it!
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